I had another one last night. When we first started TTC, I was always happy when I dreamed about a pregnant belly or an unborn child. Now? I find it depressing. I always wake up to find myself excited and happy, and a bit confused. But as reality hits, the joy and the happiness disappear, to be replaced with sadness and regret. I'm proud that I was able to fight the urge to take a pregnancy test. It would be impossible for me to be pregnant right now anyway, even if a miracle did occur and I ovulated on my own this month.
This morning I woke up thinking about babies and Mother's Day. That's a holiday that's getting a little harder to deal with each year. I always try to suck it up and just focus on my mom and grandma, but each year it gets a little more tainted with sadness. I think about next Mother's Day and where I want to be in life. I know exactly where I want to be; I want to be standing next to my mom, holding my child in my arms. Now, it is just a matter of figuring out how that child is going to get there.