I think one thing that has be so down in the dumps here lately is that I've hit a wall as far as my ability to make plans are concerned. I can't make plans for six months or a year down the road because all the plans I have all depend on wether or not I'm pregnant six months or a year from now. And I certainly can't make plans concerning our TTC efforts because I can't see past tomorrow.
I take my Met.formin faithfully, but is it enough? Is just trying to shed some weight and get my testosterone levels down going to be enough to get me pregnant? How long do I give it before I seek out fertility treatments? Do I give it 6 months to work? A year?
What about the C.lomid? I know that is our next step, but how long do I give it to work? Four months? Six months? Nine months? What if it doesn't work? Do I try different drugs such as F.emara? How far am I willing to go to get pregnant? How much money am I willing to spend? When is enough enough?
What about adoption? Do we try everything to get pregnant first, or do we pursue adoption while seeking fertility treatments? What type of adoption is right for us? Domestic Infant? International? Foster Care? How long do we wait before we start the adoption process?
So very many questions, and none of which I have answers for. I can't make plans for the future because the future is so blurry and uncertain. I can only see to next Friday when the Mr. is scheduled to see a urologist to try and get a referral for a Semen Analysis. (Hey, I'm not going to put my body through the wringer with fertility meds and what-not if their is something wrong with the Mr. Plus, it'll either give me peace of mind or put more pressure on me if his SA is normal).
So I'm at a place right now where I am forced to live one day at a time, and nothing stresses me out more than that.