Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Ignorance is Not Always Bliss

Last night someone said to me regarding PCOS/infertility, "The good thing about it is that you don't have to worry about taking contraceptives or getting pregnant." I was shocked. I was offended. I had a dozen responses running through my mind but couldn't seem to find my voice since I had obviously swallowed my tongue.

People are just. so. ignorant! I don't understand why people feel the need to try and put a positive spin on a disease as painful as infertility. These same people would never say to a diabetic, "Just think of all the calories you avoid by not being able to indulge in sweets."

Oh sure, I'm sooo lucky! I don't have to stress about remembering to take my BCP every day, or have sex hampered by a nasty condom. This is just perfect...until I want a baby.

I feel so blessed to have my Squishy. We would love to have more babies. I would feel blessed to have a dozen more kids, but that's not an option for us. We don't get to decide things like how big/small an age differance we would like between siblings, or if we'd rather have a Spring or Fall baby.

I often wish it were simple for us. Decide we're ready, have sex every other night, and within three months we're announcing I'm 5weeks 1 day pregnant on fb. But that doesn't work for me.

Squishy will be 18 months next week. It will also mark 14 months of "not preventing" for Baby #2. Squishy has been weaned for 5 months. During those 5 months I have had 2 natural and 1 induced bleeds. Unfortunately, I have no way of knowing if those cycles were anovulatory. I've recently started tracking my BBT, hopefully I'll have another cycle and my chart can show if I'm ovulating.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Hello There!

So...I tested. And it was negative.

I tested the next day. And it was negative.

I tested the day after that. And the day after that. I'm sure you're shocked that those two were both negatives.

After the fifth negative HPT, I finally accepted the fact that I was not pregnant. I ain't gonna lie, I was pretty bummed. I had a lot of symptoms, and was very hopeful that we would be making Squishy a big brother in April.

But my mood greatly improved yesterday when AF arrived. It could just be a coincidence that AF arrived after my cramps. Or I might have ovulated naturally. I have no way of knowing for sure, so I'm just going to assume it was the later.

Friday, August 1, 2014

I Want Off This Crazy Train!


I don't know if I'm ready to do this again. At first I thought I was, but now I'm not so sure. I'm halfway through my maybe TWW, and am symptom spotting like crazy. And their all there, just like they always are. Lots of abdominal cramping, lots of cervical mucus, exhsustion, overwhing emotions. It's still another week until I test (if I test).

I'm not even sure if I ovulated. I'm basing all of this off of a few cramps I had on my left side.
I thought I'd be ok either way, but now I realize I was just kidding myself. I am going to be very disappointed if I didn't get pregnant this month. If I don't get pregnant and don't get a period either, I will be devastated.

I did not miss the craziness of infertility at all. I'm so emotional, I cried during sex last night (TMI) and I have no idea why. The Mr. kept asking me what was wrong, but I didn't know what was wrong. I just felt like crying, so I did. Ahh...

Stop the train! I want to get off!!!

Sunday, July 27, 2014


When I was on fertility treatments I always triggered when my follies were mature. And I always had some very noticeable ovulation pain. Nothing unbearable, but I knew the exact moment the egg(s) popped. After I stopped treatments I felt that same pain. The first time I thought it was in my head, until I had a period exactly two weeks later. The next time I felt that same pain I made sure me and the Mr. got down to business (wink, wink). Two weeks later I got my first and only positive pregnancy test.

Every. Single. Time. I have felt the pain on my left side. (I'm beginning to think my right ovary is defective). Thursday night I was lying in bed when I started having some pretty significant cramping, but it was only on my LEFT side. Now I remember that I felt ovulation pains, but I haven't felt those in over two years, so I do not remember exactly what they felt like. I'm not 100% certain ovulation was the cause of the cramps that I felt Thursday night. BUT we got in some bedroom exercise Thursday and Friday, just in case. As of right now I'm in a (kind of) TWW. At the end of two weeks I'll find out for sure if I ovulated, either by a positive pregnancy test or a period. If I'm pregnant I'll be ecstatic. If AF shows up, I'll be happy too because at least I'll know I ovulated. And maybe that will keep me motivated to keep up all my hard work where my new diet is concerned.

Low Amylose: Week 3

Number of pounds lost this week: 2
Total number of pounds lost: 8.5

I'm really surprised I lost anything this past week. We did so much traveling that my diet kind of took a back burner...for FOUR days. I was just hoping I hadn't gained so to have a 2 pound loss was a pleasant surprise. I plan to get back on track and finish out this first month with a bang.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Low Amylose: Week 2

Number of pounds lost this week: 3.5
Number of weeks on diet: 2
Total pounds lost: 6.5

Two weeks in and I've already lost over 6 pounds. I'm still not exercising but my MIL has an old treadmill she's offered to give me, so I plan on using that soon. Our weekends are so busy that I usually end up having a cheat or two. I know busyness is not an excuse but when your hungry and aren't home to cook, and the only option the store concession offers is hot dogs and pizza, eating healthy takes a back burner. I'm still proud of myself for how well I am doing. My only real complaint is how bored I'm getting with my veggies. I looked up some recipes online and I plan on trying to expand my creativity with how I get my three servings a day.

On another note, the worst period ever is starting to dry up. I don't think I've ever been so excited to see a period say goodbye. I'm on day 8 and the flow has slowed down considerably, I'm very hopeful in the next day or two it will disappear completely.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Low Amylose: Week 1

I'm a little late since I've been on this new diet for a week and a half, but I thought I'd share a little about my first week's experience in case anyone was interested.

Pounds lost this week: 3
Number of weeks on diet: 1
Total pounds lost: 3

Three pounds in a week is amazing results for me. I don't think I've ever lost that much in week. And that was without ANY exercise (hangs head in shame).

The first couple of days were super hard. I felt like I was STARVING! I'm talking severe hunger pains, but I was constantly eating. I don't think I realize how much of my diet consisted of carbs. Now it is not nearly as bad. I actually have to remind myself to eat often. As long as I allow myself a little (healthy) snack every couple of hours, the hunger pains stay at bay. I do eat when I'm hungry.

I thought this diet would be a lot harder than it is. I thought I would be craving all kinds of sweets and carbs, and I did the first couple of days. Now though I don't really even want those things. If I do get a craving I try to find some kind of sugar-free, low-carb alternative. I have allowed myself a cheat or two. For example, over the weekend we went to a Mexican restaurant and I had a taco salad with the shell. But it seems the less I eat junk, the less I crave junk. My biggest challenge right now is getting my 3 servings of veggies a day. There are very few veggies I like and I am quickly becoming bored with them. I am going to have to become more creative in my veggie creations.

I also feel better. I can tell a big difference in my energy and alertness. I also love how I don't feel guilty every time I pick up a fork.

In other news the P.ro.ver.a worked. I woke up to a very heavy flow Sunday morning. Lovely. I honestly think this is one of the heaviest periods I have ever had. My periods are usually 4-5 days long, and are only heavy about the first and second day and then get super light by the fourth. Not this time. I'm four days in and still soaking pads every couple of hours. In four days I have went through two small packs of pads. I'm trying not to get to concerned just yet, but since this is out of the norm it is hard not to worry. My mom has been known to bleed for 14 days before and I hope I am not following in her footsteps.