Sunday, October 19, 2014

7 DPO...again

After entering my temps this morning, FF readjusted my ovulation date. It originally said I ovulated on CD 16, now it is saying I ovulated on CD 27. Instead of being 18 DPO ovulation and expecting AF to arrive any minute, I am now 7 DPO and only halfway through my TWW.

This cycle has been a rollar coaster and I'm just ready for it to be over. I'm now wondering if I ovulated at all. I am very frustrated and discouraged. I just want my body to work right.

Thursday, October 16, 2014


I took HPTs at 11 DPO and 15 DPO (because I have no self control), both of them were negative. I haven't felt confident about this cycle since the beginning; I wasn't surprised to see the negatives, but it was still disappointing. I always tell myself that I'm prepared for a negative and won't let it get to me, but it always does. I think some of it has to do with when I found out I was pregnant with Squishy. I fully expected a BFN then too.

Since I know this cycle was a bust I'm ready for AF to arrive so we can start over. (Wow, is this how normal couples feel?) I'm on CD 31 and my boobs have been hurting the past few days, hopefully she'll arrive soon.

I have an appointment with Dr. Ladyparts in December. I'm thinking about asking her to do some blood work to see if I'm ovulating. According to my BBT chart I am, but I'm not sure I 100% trust what it's telling me. I'm also getting nervous about how long it is taking us. It took us 18 months to conceive Squishy. I didn't think I would get pregnant immediately with baby 2, but I was hopeful it wouldn't take us as long. Right now we are at 17 months TTC, so going past the 18 month mark is looking like a very real possibility.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Not Feeling Very Hopeful

I'm 9 DPO today, but I'm not holding onto a lot of hope for this cycle. The only way I know how to explain it is that I don't feel like this cycle is "it" for us. I know it's still early to be symptom spotting, but there really aren't  any symptoms to spot.

My temps show that ovulation was detected. The Mr. and I "covered our bases" so I know our timing was good. Yesterday I had a temp drop below the cover line, but was back up today; and statistically most implantation dips happen 7-8 DPO. But I just don't feel pregnant.

A couple months ago I was so sure I was pregnant. I had so many symptoms and just knew we'd made another baby. I took 5 HPTs because I just could not accept the fact that I could feel so pregnant and not be. I was heartbroken when I finally accepted what all the BFNs were telling me.

I bought a couple of $1 HPTs yesterday, but I'm still undecided about if I want to use them. I may just wait it out and see if AF shows up in a couple weeks.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014


The past few weeks I have been tracking my BBT. My FF app picked up ovulation on CD 16. So I am 7 DPO. I'm going into the second week of my TWW, which is always the hardest time for me. The first week usually passes fast, but the second week just drags and drags. It doesn't help that this is also when PMS symptoms start showing up and we all know how PMS mimicks every pregnancy symptom in the book.

I've noticed some cramping in my right/middle abdomen. Could this be implantation? My boobs are a little sensitive, and do they look a little bigger? Waking up in the middle of the night starving, what's up with that? I had all these things when I was pregnant with Squishy, but I've had these same things when I wasn't pregnant either. Then there is the whole, should I test? I always tell myself I won't test until AF is late, but I'm not the best at keeping this intention.

Ugh, it's all so frustrating. There just need to be a little bell that goes off when sperm meets egg, and again when implantation occurs. That way all you have to do is listen for the bells to go off, none of this analyzing every "possible" symptom crap.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Toddler Tantrums

Squishy will be 19 months old next week (WHAT?!?!), and I do believe he is getting an early start on the "terrible twos." This truly is a fun age, but it is also very trying. My sweet, loving baby has been replaced by this throwing, hitting, biting, pinching, screaming little boy. It amazes me how these things just come naturally to him. I'm with him all day and his interaction with other kids is very limited (something I am trying to remedy), and I know he is not picking these things up from me. One day he just started doing them.

Some of the tantrums I understand. He tries so hard to communicate, and there are many times I do understand what he is trying to tell me. Other times he is just babbling away and I haven't a clue what he's saying. These situations usually lead to a melt down, and I get why. I can imagine how frustrating it would be to be trying so hard to communicate with someone and there just not getting it. Throw in the fact that my son is only 18 months old and I fully expect and even understand a these tantrums. What I don't understand is the times he randomly runs up to you with a hit/slap/bite/pinch. It seems that he has learned this new skill and wants to show it off.

I'm having a hard time knowing how to handle it. Do I address it, or ignore it? I've tried both, and it seems that there are times one works and the other doesn't, and the next time the other works. And then there are times when nether works. I'm hopeful this is just a phase that will pass quickly. No one wants to have the "biting kid" in Sunday school.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

The Wait is Over

I know there are many women who are TTC that hate to get their period. I've read many blogs where the first little bit of spotting reduces them to tears of frustration and hopelessness. I can completely understand this, but for me getting AF gives me hope.

She showed up last night, not long after we got home from church. This makes three months in a row that I have gotten a cycle. The only time this has ever happened before was when I was on birth control pills. Granted, my cycle in July was induced, but 31 days later I had a natural cycle. 35 days later, I had a natural cycle again. My natural response would be to stress over the fact this cycle was a few days longer than the previous one, but I'm going to try not to let that concern me unless I notice a pattern.

I wish I knew if these were ovulatory cycles or not. OPKs don't work for me and I've tried taking my BBT before, but wasn't very consistent with it. I am going to try again though.

As a side note, I called our insurance company and they still offer fertility coverage. The only thing that has changed is our deductable and out of pocket expenses have increased. And a third tier has been added to our prescription co-pay. But it seems that they are willing to cover most anything as long as we are under 45. This is a relief because it at least gives me options and if we decide to pursue fertility treatments again we can.

Monday, September 15, 2014

And So I Wait

I was hopeful AF would show up on the 13th like she has for the past two months. Alas, the 13th came and went and she did not rear her ugly head. I took a HPT today, hoping it would entice her to get the show on the road like it has in the past.

Now I'm just waiting. Either she'll show and I'll have renewed hope the higher dose of Met is working, or she won't and I'll discuss next steps with Dr. Lady Parts in December. My doctor knows we are TTC baby 2, and I'm afraid that she may bring up fertility treatments. I've given some thought to trying treatments again, but I'm not ready to go there yet. Squishy was conceived on a treatment free cycle, so I know it could happen. I'm also wondering if/what infertility coverage our insurance offers now. Before we had amazing insurance that covered 90% of cost, with a maximum $1000 out of pocket expense. But so much of our insurance has changed with the new healthcare laws and I'm not sure how the infertility coverage changed.

I know that without insurance coverage, pursuing treatments will not be an option for us; at least in the present. Being a SAHM leaves us with one income, and we simply will not be able to afford treatments. I know I'm putting the cart way before the horse here. Mentally, I am not ready to go through treatments again, and I'm not sure I ever will be.